More anxiety was felt with this experience than any other assignment I have had. Knowing the purpose was to get me into a situation where I was an outsider made me feel uncomfortable. I expressed frustration to my roommates before leaving my apartment. "
Why do I have to do this? I don't purposefully make others feel uncomfortable or like they're a minority! Plus, I already served a mission where I was a minority. I don't need this!"
I also must admit that there were some prejudices I had developed. Looking on the Facebook page, I had the preconceived bias that the individuals playing the game would have minimal to no social skills, they would treat me like I was an outsider, and they would fall into the category of "nerds". Understanding that this rationale would not change the task to be done, I strapped on my boots and walked out the door to attend the Warhammer Game Day.
What even is Warhammer? I found a Facebook page advertising for a game day so I made my way over to the store where it would be occurring. I walked in the store to discover it was a Hobby store. Model airplanes, craft paint, etc. were all around. This was not what I had imagined. I tried to keep to myself, wandering up and down the isles creating a strategy as to how I could find this Warhammer game day by drawing the least attention to me. Overall, I had a feeling of obligation. In no way were my own desires carrying me to that location.
I didn't want to do this, but I had to! Before the game even started, I already had sufficient thoughts and emotions to get a glimpse of what others may go through. I was able to participate in Warhammer Game Day. The event was very small and there were not enough players for me to join without being an inconvenience. I sat on the side of the game, leaning on the table trying to observe how they were playing. Questions went through my mind of things I could not comprehend just from observation. However, fear of appearing dumb or being a nuisance kept me quiet. The Warhammer jargon was another language in itself. Sorcerers and Nekrons, moral checks and psychic lightning...I never have had experience with this before.
I did not possess the cultural capital to fit in. I didn't understand the jargon of the game. It was a different language to me. As a result, I didn't know how to fit in. I was dressed up too nice and may have seen to stiff and proper to be in that environment. It was very clear I did not fit in with this culture. I was not discriminated against, nor was it their intention to make me stand out; however, this lack of cultural capital kept me from feeling comfortable.
Although I could sit here and unload all of my new understanding of the Warhammer playing field, I would be missing the mark. The discomfort from this situation cleared my vision as to the situation of those coming into a classroom as the minority.
I had little desire at all to place myself in a situation as an "other". Of course, my situation wasn't a daily occurrence. Could I possibly imagine the situation of a student who goes to school every day thinking "
I don't want to do this...but I have to." or "
I'm not going to ask questions because I don't want to draw attention to myself"? Even though those who were at the Warhammer Game Day were welcoming and trying to help me interact, it still didn't take away my feelings of apprehension. How then would I construct the environment of my classroom to create a safe atmosphere for those who may be the minority?
How could I help students develop culture capital? How could I develop in their culture capital? How should I interact with students who feel like outsiders? Can I really change anything? Although I do not know how to respond to these questions right now, they will be in circulation of my thoughts as I go forward in creating a healthy multicultural setting in my future classroom.
What even is Warhammer? I found a Facebook page advertising for a game day so I made my way over to the store where it would be occurring. I walked in the store to discover it was a Hobby store. Model airplanes, craft paint, etc. were all around. This was not what I had imagined. I tried to keep to myself, wandering up and down the isles creating a strategy as to how I could find this Warhammer game day by drawing the least attention to me. Overall, I had a feeling of obligation. In no way were my own desires carrying me to that location. I didn't want to do this, but I had to! Before the game even started, I already had sufficient thoughts and emotions to get a glimpse of what others may go through. I was able to participate in Warhammer Game Day. The event was very small and there were not enough players for me to join without being an inconvenience. I sat on the side of the game, leaning on the table trying to observe how they were playing. Questions went through my mind of things I could not comprehend just from observation. However, fear of appearing dumb or being a nuisance kept me quiet. The Warhammer jargon was another language in itself. Sorcerers and Nekrons, moral checks and psychic lightning...I never have had experience with this before. I did not possess the cultural capital to fit in. I didn't understand the jargon of the game. It was a different language to me. As a result, I didn't know how to fit in. I was dressed up too nice and may have seen to stiff and proper to be in that environment. It was very clear I did not fit in with this culture. I was not discriminated against, nor was it their intention to make me stand out; however, this lack of cultural capital kept me from feeling comfortable. 
Although I could sit here and unload all of my new understanding of the Warhammer playing field, I would be missing the mark. The discomfort from this situation cleared my vision as to the situation of those coming into a classroom as the minority. I had little desire at all to place myself in a situation as an "other". Of course, my situation wasn't a daily occurrence. Could I possibly imagine the situation of a student who goes to school every day thinking "I don't want to do this...but I have to." or "I'm not going to ask questions because I don't want to draw attention to myself"? Even though those who were at the Warhammer Game Day were welcoming and trying to help me interact, it still didn't take away my feelings of apprehension. How then would I construct the environment of my classroom to create a safe atmosphere for those who may be the minority? How could I help students develop culture capital? How could I develop in their culture capital? How should I interact with students who feel like outsiders? Can I really change anything? Although I do not know how to respond to these questions right now, they will be in circulation of my thoughts as I go forward in creating a healthy multicultural setting in my future classroom.
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